To the Hyperbolic man on my Facebook wall...

So this viral video is going around:

At this point he's at like 149k likes on Youtube and 26k shares on Facebook. Sooo I figured I'd have a chat: It went like this:  

To the 26,298 people who shared this rant: Doesn't this guy sound just like the folks he hates? He's an eloquent chap but he uses big words and simplistic bandwagon jargon which realistically is same thing he rightly accuses religion of. 

While I do agree with some of it I see that he all too easy paints everyone with one brush, which is his same issue with Islamists in general. The second you do that your argument is devoid of actual thought because you are using jingoism to rally support. It is simplistic to pretend that only Islam subjugates women as we pretend that women have equality today. It's not true. Women are still not treated equally even in Modern Western society whether in England or here in Canada. That comes from historical context which was based on religious empires. The reality is that many folks (note I did not say all as this man likes to box people in) do not know much about Islam in a historical context. I'm not talking about the religion but the political creation of it in general. 

This Crash course history sheds a little light on the development of the religion and some of the inaccuracies we have developed through history in a short video.

See like him I believe in religious tolerance but then he goes that small ginger step further to where you are using religious tolerance to in fact be intolerant. I understand it's a fine line. I'm not endorsing any one view. The problem with both religion and with this guy is it's always been easier to jump on a bandwagon than think for yourself. 

When I was young my father took me to churches, synagogues, mosques and temples to learn about all of them before I realized that each is fairly similar and once you realize the basic ideas you hardly need the specifics. One small thing I do know is the first three words of the Quran translate to learn, learn, learn (or read read read same word back then). In this idea although not affiliated with the religion I can take away that the smart folks will read and more importantly be able to read between the lines. However the ignorant will always simply follow whatever guy sounds smart with the loudest voice. 

So I'll end with asking the question to you that most of these guys never ask: What do you think?

Why I'm allowed to laugh at North Korea

Why I'm allowed to laugh at North Korea by Kareem Hassanien 

So lets all ignore the fact that it has been a LONG time since I've written politically (as many of you know I much prefer to talk about it).

What I'd like to reference in this quick post began with a conversation with a colleague about how I laughed at the idea of a North Korean strike. My colleague could not believe my gaul and the fact that I rehashed an old Lewis Black joke: 'They may have the capability to create a nuclear weapon and then 500 North Koreans may pick it up and throw it at us'. 

The reality is that this fear is another product of our 24 hour news cycles and the constantly reused idea that we need to be weary of some international boogy man and this 28 year old stand-in for the Pixar's 'Up' kid is the next one we should be afraid of. 

Now I'm not taking anything away from the North Koreans. While it is true that they have a horrible situation and their government has made quite glaring statements against the US as well (and in turn therefore the rest of the west) as putting together one gem of a kitchy promo video with New York on fire (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8UmPDhxLMUc)  
I do not really see them as an instant alarming threat. This is nothing new. Just more rhetoric from an asian dictator who really took the small dick theory literally.

Let's talk about Kim Jung-un first. Our new young hollywood loving, Dennis Rodman befriending,  Eric Clapton listening enemy. He was once described by Kenji Fujimoto, a Japanese chef who used to work as Kim Jong-il's personal cook, as "a chip off the old block, a spitting image of his father in terms of face, body shape and personality." No shit.

The talking point you'll keep hearing from the media and consequently much of our populace is that he's crazy but...isn't that what we just say about all our unfriendly dictators? Isn't it just the easy way to dislike someone to just call them crazy? It's simple. Clean and efficient. Noriega, Pinochet, Hussein, bin Laden, we love nothing more than just declaring someone against the US is crazy. Now I'm not sticking up for these men in the least. They are total scumbags...but are they crazy? You don't need follow up information on people that are nuts... Why? Because they are nuts! Look he has carried out all the human rights violations and ridiculous shows of power which his father and Grandfather adhered to. He's an egomaniac for sure but we don't seem to simply dismiss that dick at the office, or any banking CEO as immediately crazy therefore no more thought is needed, (well... maybe we do). What I'm saying is isn't it more likely he is simply carrying on the historical legacy of his ancestors? 

Now I can hear some of you through the computer:  'Whoa whoa. You are saying that guy isn't nuts and doesn't want to bomb the US?'  Well not exactly. I just think it's a lot more like a jealous girlfriend making up a new boyfriend on Facebook than a suicidal mass killer. I think he grew up raised by Kim Jong Il and him by Kim Il Sung. The Korean war was a proxy war between the communist USSR & Chinese governments in the North and the US government in the South in the wake of WW2. Anyone with Wikipedia can read in the opening: 

'The Korean Peninsula was ruled by the Empire of Japan from 1910 until the end of World War II. Following thesurrender of the Empire of Japan in September 1945, American administrators divided the peninsula along the 38th parallel, with U.S. military forces occupying the southern half and Soviet military forces occupying the northern half.^[26'

<sup>Now if you were a leader of a dictatorial communist country and your country was divided in half by the US wouldn't you have a bit of a chip on your shoulder? I'm just saying they are making dick moves but its far from crazy. 

Also if you've paid any kind of attention (I realize we are more likely to hear about Kim Kardashian than Kim Jong-un) you'll know that there was never an official end of the war just an armistice agreement between the two sides so the whole idea of the Kim's is the promise of reuniting the Korean peninsula (naturally under the Supreme commanders rule). 

Since then the North Koreans have been under an intensive series of economic sanctions to keep the regime weakened. Any money of course has gone to the state and this has led the Kim family to keep more for themselves to secure their military rule through years of crushing dissent.  But it's not all dead roses and grey unicolour rainbows. Kim Jong-un himself was the target of an assassination attempt as recently as MARCH 2013 according to South Korean sources (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/asia/northkorea/9930238/North-Koreas-Kim-Jong-un-was-target-of-assassination-attempt.html)</sup>. 

If there is one thing dictators like to do after an assassination attempt it's solidify their place of power. What better way to seem tough than to shoot off a few rockets and threaten the largest military at the planet?

If looked at in a historical perspective it's a farce. The idea that anything can happen really ignores the fact that this exact same thing happened in during the Carter administration then again later when Kim Jong Il took power and needed to seem big in 1994 during the Clinton administration and nothing happened. All sizzle no steak. Now it's just the latest little guys turn to show that just because big papa is gone business is still booming. 

It is booming too because history has shown that when the North Koreans make threats, aid to the country traditionally increases as they look like the David vs Goliath story and countries that don't appreciate US  intervention (that line starts around the corner) like to try and help out the little guy. Doesn't sound too crazy to me for a country that just was awarded it's latest tough round of sanctions when they recently threw out UN weapons inspectors and restated their "State of War" against the south (again the two countries have technically been at war over 60 years).

Yes they have angry plans. Yes they have vendettas. Yes they may have a half baked nuclear program. Yes they have maps with angry red dots on Austin, Texas....for some reason. 

So why laugh? Well it's always funny to watch a little man fake his way into looking tough. Remember that little cocky guy on the playground? The kid with no friends and second hand LA Gears shoes with lights that didn't work? The kid who thought that he'd get more friends by trashing the biggest guy in the room but only when he was in a car moving away? 

Didn't you laugh at that kid a bit?














http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2013/mar/31/north-korea-south-factory-threat
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-152980/North-Korea-throws-UN-nuclear-inspectors.html
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-2239978/Kim-Jong-Will-Comrade-Cutie-funny-side.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Korean_war
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/kim/interviews/carter.html

Style or substance… Or rather: Style for Lack of Substance.

A style piece by Kareem Hassanien

Jan 14 2012

            Well now that we are a couple of weeks into the new year our fickle minds have already shifted from what was once thought of as the CLUE mystery game that is the Republican presidential primary (it was Professor Paul in the Library with the economics textbook by the way).  We are now in an inevitable game of Mousetrap where the remaining Republicans try to set up elaborate hurdles for Mitt Romney to get through on his way to the nomination. We know that he’ll likely make it through to the end but really we just want to see all the funny traps go off.

            Yet since the media is slowly beginning to see their reality show veering towards a boring predictable end they have been looking for anything else to fill the void.

            Newt Gingrich gave a little fodder with his entertaining invite to sit in on the NAACP to explain how African Americans should demand paychecks instead of food stamps despite the fact that half of people on food stamps are white and most people on the program have at least one job as comedian Jon Stewart pointed out last night. He really thought he was being a champ too as he later stated on MSNBC: “…I would have thought there would have been a positive response that says, Gosh. Here’s a Republican that cares enough that he’s willing to go and talk to one of the most left wing organizations in America about the people they represent.”

            Although Newts rants and awkward backpedaling (well not really… is sidepedaling a thing?) were amusing it seems that stories of irrelevance were going to be more fun.

            With that: Enter the Santorum sweater vest. With no less than 89 articles as of the time of this writing that I can find in pretty much every major US news publication. I figured it was time to make it an even 90. Not to mention that it has been all over the primetime shows as Santorum repeatedly states that his vests actually “gave him this power”.  He has already started using it in his political theories. When interviewed by Erin Burnett on CNN he told her his new official sweater vest line is available on his website and he believes they show that he is a supporter of the second amendment because they show: “…the right to bear arms”.

            Santorum believes it is the new look of the more conservative members of the party although I tend to believe lame rich white guys didn’t exactly shy away from sweater vests in the past. However his fashion forward trend is working. He is selling the vests for no less than $100 dollars a pop and in the few days it has been available on his website it has made an extra $100,000 for the campaign on the sleeveless sweaters alone. Dick Santorum has actually brought a style to prime time! Down with the sleeveless blue-collar wife-beaters! Up with the sleeveless white-collar…maid-beaters!

            Now Santorum isn’t the only one with a clothing line let’s not forget there is a current President of the United States. Obama has been amassing quite an election collection himself with designers such as Vera Wang, Danity Kane, and even Victoria’s Secret throwing in clothing (or lack thereof in Victoria Secrets case) in support of the current POTUS. A new website named Runway to Win is featuring clothes by designers such as Marc Jacobs, Tory Burch, Derek Lam and Von Furstenburg (these are apparently high up fashion people I’m supposed to know right?). There are also designs by Rachel Roy, Sean Jean, Beyonce’s House of Dereon (ah ok there we go) and even (chuckle) Russell Simmonds. I guess that Simmonds may be fitting in a sense since Obama supporters come November might very well be “Sweating to the Oldies” (oldies of course the taboo code for a Republican voter).

The Best Reality Show on American TV: Survivor Iowa: The Republican Lowlands

An article by Kareem Hassanien

Jan 4 2012

            I have stayed up late tonight with a whole host of other political bloggers writing about our latest water cooler TV story. Amusing as it may be to see an old cat lady sing a song well or watch Paula Abdul in a drug induced stupor, American Idol has never had a selection of back and forth, up and down losers like this. Jeff Probst may have twists and turns in Survivor but how the hell did Santorum find a hidden immunity idol amongst all that Iowa corn? No matter what way you slice it this primary season may leave voters all kinds of disenchanted (especially Republicans if you see my last article) but it sure has been some fun TV to watch.

            With 99% of Iowa precincts reporting Rick Santorum and Mitt Romney are split at 25% with Ron Paul coming in at around 21%. Santorum who until a week and a half ago was just the other redneck somehow convinced enough Iowans to give him supreme conservative nut status and send the original redneck Rick Perry’s campaign into suspension. It’s quite an achievement for a campaign that three weeks ago was polling at just over 5% in that very same state. So basically if this was Survivor Santorum not only found the Immunity idol when he knew he was going to be voted out he just stole the conservative base alliance out from Gingrich, Perry and Bachman!

            However much like in Survivor it was a move that may buy a few more days but not really a guarantee to the end game. Everyone knows at this point Romney is probably going to win immunity in New Hampshire and Newt Gingrich is as likeable as Survivor villain Russell Hantz. Ron Paul is probably a guy like Coach from the last season. A likeable enough guy but with foreign policy ideas so far out from where the rest of the Republican party is that he’ll never get past the jury of evangelicals.

            Which brings us back to our star of the night and new flavor of the week, the last of the Republicans to not have a surge at one point during this primary season. Jon Stewart was brilliant in comparing him to the last chocolate we haven’t tried in the box that we know has that weird cherry goop in it. Rick Santorum was literally the last bastion for the Anybody-but-Romney front. However it shows once again how absolutely short sighted these voters are as he is maybe the little train that could in Iowa but could never be the little train that can for the Presidency.

            Santorum is a social issues candidate and where he stands is far to the right of most of the American public in the general election. It would be all too easy for Obama to call him out on his stances on outlawing birth control and his extreme positions on gay marriage. Let’s not forget Santorum was the guy who compared homosexuality with having sex with dogs and let’s also not forget that another way to say the name ‘Rick’ is ‘Dick’.

Regardless of his far right stances this isn’t an election on social issues. It’s the economy stupid. The reason Santorum has not come under fire leading up to this point is because he was so far out of range nobody could hit him. Romney spent millions on attack ads on Gingrich leading up to Iowa. Huntsman just gave up and went to New Hampshire while Perry and Bachman just rode their crazy trains in a circle and now have to see if they have enough gas to get to the South. However now with Gingrich beaten down he’ll become the attack dog and suddenly Santorum will have to take his new place in the light. Romney knows with his likely win in New Hampshire the last fights will probably come in the South which aren’t his strong states but at least Mitt has enough chips to keep seeing the flop. This just means it’s a matter of time before Santorum hears “Rick, The tribe has spoken” and his fire is snuffed out.

Of course just as in many other reality shows I couldn’t really care less about any of the characters and don’t really wanna see any of them win…but… I still can’t wait to see the next episode…

Yes He Can Again… if they keep it up. Why Republican indecision will give Obama a win in 2012

An editorial by Kareem Hassanien

December 26th 2011

As we enter 2012 many Republicans are starting to believe the Mayan doomsday prophesy at the end of the year is possible as they scramble to find an electable candidate for the Republican presidential nomination. The only problem is like most horoscopes they are the victims of their own self-fulfilling prophecy. Not because of greenhouse gasses, violent weather or “fracking” for natural gas possibly contributing to increased earthquake activity but because of the fact that their own indecision and separation of their own party will eventually probably be the biggest factor in Obama being reelected.

Now this article comes about due to a series of around the table talks that inevitably happen at Xmas parties and large family meals. They are almost always brief, mostly unsubstantial and shelved as soon as someone feels they may not have a counter. Usually it ends with: 'Maybe I haven’t been following closely' or 'I’m not sure of all the facts' or in Canada we always have our favorite way out: 'Well doesn’t matter to me. I’m Canadian!' (as Russell Peters likes to state, we’re not fond of participating in world events). However usually I find one simplistic concept among people who only partially follow news (in between episodes of House Hunters and My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding). In short their idea is: Obama is for sure set to lose.

            Now this statement usually comes in response to the unwavering idea that the US economy is in the toilet. While it is true that no US president has been reelected with unemployment where it is currently; that is like hockey stats about how many games a team wins at home against another given team. While there is truth to it, it really only mildly matters. More relevant is that Clinton is the only Democrat since FDR to win reelection. However one year out from election Nixon, Reagan and Clinton were all hovering barely a couple % points above Obamas current approval ratings and were all two termers.

            The reality of a two party system is that the options are limited on purpose and you just have to pick which of the ugly girls to kiss. The biggest problem on the Republican side is there are two many ugly girls and for the most part those chicks are also nuts.

            With the Iowa caucus less than 8 days away we’ll get a good idea of where the party is going to stand. Having a look at the diversity (I’m obviously referring to mindset not at all to any ethnic diversity) of the front-runners you get a good idea that the party really has absolutely no clue which way to go. The endless roller coaster of poll toppers has really been something to watch in the Republican primaries as they go from village to dell looking for anybody but Romney. Bachman ended up being crazy so they went to Perry. Then Perry opened his mouth and made Bush look like Plato so they moved to Herman Cain. Then the ex Pizzaman opened his pants so they had to move on from him. Although with Cain it looked like he could slip through anything when the allegations first started it was amazing how he just decided to show us he was a moron as well and just fed us gems (the classic Iran has mountains comment and my favorite bit on Libya: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WW_nDFKAmCo&feature=relmfu) .

So with the Republicans looking for a non-Romney savior they come back to Newt Gingrich. It’s been like getting back together with a boyfriend who cheated on you (which Newt is no stranger to). The base was cautious, had been hurt in the past by him and one part (the tea party part) just could never accept his old establishment Republican ways. Forget the scandals, affairs and all that. This good old fashioned compassionate conservative (remember when they called themselves that before they booed Gay Military servicemen and cheered for people being executed?) had to just sit back and enjoy the ride to the top but instead came out AGAINST child labor laws and suggested putting children to work as janitors and in the low wage jobs that poor people are having trouble getting now! Nothing stimulates the economy like taking jobs away from the lower class that can’t find a job and giving it to school kids.

            Which brings us finally to the Iowa caucus. The first test of the primaries and where people finally start dropping out of the race (note: This is where I can mention Huntsman aka the other Mormon, and Santorum the other liberal hating Redneck.) The polls now indicate that Ron Paul (not to be confused with Rue Paul) is in the lead with Romney and Gingrich just behind. Just what the party needs a new frontrunner! Haven’t tried that yet. It’s a shame that Ron Paul will never be make it to the nomination because he really isn’t a republican. I’m not even sure he is a politician. His views are all over the roadhouse and he probably is the only candidate who doesn’t seem like he’s had a frontal lobotomy and has stuck to the exact same platform for his entire run. The problem is that platform was abhorrent to the base 4 months ago and is only now interesting because he is the last alternative. Still he could be the wildcard in Iowa and shake up the primary and is probably the only candidate who could actually pull voters away from Obama in the general election as young people seem to love his libertarian ideals and his disdain for any American troop foreign intervention.

            This leaves us with the mortified Mormon. The guy who just cannot get people behind him but who will probably still get the nomination. Watching Poor Mitt Romney and the Republican base get together at this point is going to be like watching the couple on Virgin Diaries on TLC. They will eventually kiss but it will be the most awkward and uncomfortable situation that America could watch.

            So where does that leave NObama? Well in a pretty good position actually. Many of the things the general electorate dislike about Obama they dislike about Romney. The rest of the party has bashed Romneycare as much as Obamacare and both are in the hands of big business. Gingrich is in on the party too. All have been known for flip flopping on issues and supporting action to curb carbon emissions (albeit in different ways). That doesn’t sit well with Republicans. Worse for Romney only one in four Americans believe Mormon views are close to their own (most of them are Mormon) and less than 60% are even willing to consider a Mormon in the white house according to the Wall Street Journal. This brutal primary season as well is sure to leave a lot of tea partiers disenchanted.

            So Obama really is running against himself and as he’s been known to do he likes to turn things on at election time. He already is starting to finally after 3 years fire back and start attacking the Republican stalemate as the problem, instead of his own inability to lead and it’s already starting to stick. He has started pitching that his jobs plan has been held up by the House to win the election and keeps delivering messages under run down streets and bridges visually telling people like Neanderthals “Ug, you need job. Street need fix. Ug can fix street.”

            So despite the media rhetoric this holiday season I think Obama is looking towards 2012 as not a year of doom as the Mayans truly saw it. Not as an end of days but as the beginning of a new age. One that sees him take of the gloves. It’s not a lock yet. There is enough rage out there for a third party candidate like Ron Paul goes it alone and this time last election cycle Hillary and Mike Huckabee looked like locks for party nomination but with the Republicans splitting up their own voters and independents fed up with the nonsense of the primaries 2012 could very well be the year of the second chances for a man who loves the word hope. 

Does anybody smell bacon around here? Swine flu fun

by Reem Himself on Thursday, May 7, 2009 at 2:27pm
Ok ok ok. So it's been a while since I've ranted for my online friends however... I think it's time we sit around and chew the pig fat.

This swine flu thing has more twists and turns than an M. Night Shalymanlyman film. It's a complete media driven frenzy created out of roughly 2000 cases worldwide making it seem like this is the Apocalypse. Let's think about this rationally for a second... IS THAT EVEN FUCKING POSSIBLE ANYMORE??? Arent we just supposed to be scared of whatever the news tells us? WASN'T IT JUST PIRATES LAST WEEK? I can barely keep up.

Ok ok. Calm down Reem. You don't wanna die from any stress related illness either. Look the odds are like this: There are upwards of 6.7 billion people worldwide and 2,341 (as of when this was written have contracted swine flu and 44 have died as a result. ERGO:

NOTE: (I have the math skills of a iguana with a frontal lobotomy so feel free to check):

Odds of contact with someone with Swine flu (H1N1 to get specific): 6.7 billion to 2,341
=2 758 946 to 1
Odds of death from Swine flu (H1N1): 6.7 billion to 44
= 152 431 818 to 1

This does not seem like an extreme risk to me when you consider the following:
Odds of drowning in a bathtub: 685,000 to 1 
Odds of being struck by lightning: 576,000 to 1 
Odds of being killed by lightning: 2,320,000 to 1
Chance of dying in a fireworks accident: 1,000,000 to 1 
Odds of striking it rich on Antiques Roadshow: 60,000 to 1 

I'll even throw in some other disease scares we've had!:

Chance of contracting the human version of mad cow disease: 1 in 40,000,000 
Chance of dying from SARS in the United States: 1 in 100,000,000 

So what the fuck is the big deal? Also it's a FLU! You sneeze, you cough, you shit a few extra times and thats about it! Do people in places like Chatsworth, Ontario really need to be wearing masks over their faces? 

You know what I've been doing since I heard? I've been licking every fucking doorknob and handrail I have come into contact with and (guess what?) it seems to work just as well as the mask thing. Know how I know how? I HAVEN'T GOT A GODDAMN THING. The logic seems the same to me. It's probably better because I know I am not sterilizing the shit out of my own body so that it develops some white blood cells to actually kill diseases so that I don't have the biological equivalent of a fly swatter as the only thing keeping H1N1 at bay.

THE MOST important point I seem to notice that has been missing from the discourse is "How was this disease created?" NOT WHERE to which apparently the answer is Mexico. But HOW? This is a perfect example of the consistent degradation of our meat packing industry and these genetic mutations come from the geographical locations of hundreds of thousands of animals being put into one place. This has been very gently brushed on but barely by the news media. It is a disease not just from pigs but birds and humans as well and has mutated due to our high concentrations of animals on feedlots. 

About 1000 Egyptian farmers rioted after the Egyptian gov't started slaughtering over 
300 000 pigs even though they have not one confirmed case and no real mass feedlots as a majority non pork eating nation. Why? They saw it on TV and got scared. Just in the same frenzy as any of us. 

Meanwhile in Mexico there was a 6.0 scale earthquake earlier in the week and the drug cartels are still battling and controlling parts of the country. Did ya hear about those things? I have a feeling a few places there are still more worried about 'lead' poisoning.

And here at home the odds of a man developing cancer in his life is still 1 in 2. 

This leads me to believe that we, as a society, have the collective attention span of a cat with ADHD. I miss the pirates.